Like anyone else I go through periods of doubt. I trust God only when it's convenient...and I suffer a lot because of it. I'll do the same thing 450,000 times and fail 450,000 times, yet I STILL think on the 450,001 time my will just might win out. I STILL think my situation will change even though I don't change.
I'm always going to end up with the same substance unless I start changing the components it's comprised of.
I know that...but I haven't been doing it...and for that I feel like a fraud. I'm not getting high which granted is a huge blessing in itself but I started out as a piece of crap drug addict. Only taking the drugs out of the equation is still going to leave me as a piece of crap addict.
I say it all the time but I believe it so strongly I'm going to say it again...I feel like the two most comforting words in the English language are the words "me too." I don't have a lot of words...I don't have a lot of strength...but if you're struggling with something...I can offer a sincere and heart felt me too. I'm not alone in that struggle today...and neither are you.
I can't say where it originates
All I know is how it manifests
And lately it's been razor blades
Ripping slashes deep within my chest
It's aching doesn't have the words
My language comes up short
It's pain you only see inside
It grabs you then distorts
So everything seems upside down
Not where it's suppose to be
Now I can't hear your voice to guide
I have no eyes to see
It's circle after circle
And it's lines that never cross
It's bowing down before a throne
Addiction is your boss
I know it overtakes you
Like nothing ever could
I know inside it kills you
Like nothing ever should
But someone says you're not alone
You're never too far gone
A voice that echoes in your heart
And keeps you holding on
A ray of angels in a storm
Of suffering and sin
A strength to surface every time
You feel like giving in
A guiding hand to lift you
When you're beaten down and sore
The kind of love that offers you,
"Here's everything and more."
Sue and Jessica...thankyou for offering me everything....and always giving me more.