You’ve gazed into his baby blues and pronounced yourself the Luckiest Mother on Earth, even if it meant feedings at 2 am and 4:30 am. You stayed home with him for his first year, but the moment is here: the budget is tight and it’s time to get back to work. Or, your husband convinces you: sweetie, remember ME? The one who fathered this child? The baby’s 2 now. Can we finally go away for a weekend?
You know you must hand him over. It might only be to your mom, your neighbor or your best friend, but for some, it could be a new day care center or a new sitter.
Your doubts and worries begin: will he be alright? Whether he’s 1 year old and just going to the church nursery for the first time, or he’s 3 and you’re dropping him off at his first preschool class, you and he feel the tears coming on. “Don’t leave me, Mommy, don’t!” he wails, clinging to your leg.
Separation anxiety has entrenched itself. What now? What can be done for him?
Prepare him for the transition. “Children thrive on consistency and predictabilty so give that to them by going through the same routines and giving a warning before the transition to help when the transition occurs,” advises Jennifer Kelman, MSW, a social worker and author of the children’s book Mrs. Pinkelmeyer and Moopus McGlinden Burn the Rrrrump Rrrroast, which aims to inspire childrens’ self-esteem.
"Never let ‘em see you sweat." Don’t let your child see you’re a babbling mess. We reassure parents that they should be comfortable leaving them, because then the child sees that, and they pick up on it. If they’re comfortable, it works,” says Debbie McGowan, the center director for KinderCare on Sudley Manor Drive in Manassas.
Keep it short and sweet. McGowan also suggests parents keep their goodbyes brief. “The longer they stay, the kids think when their parents leave, they’re supposed to go too.”
Don’t give in to the gab. “Do not begin to alter your life to accommodate the tears or tantrums,” Kelman adds. “This will only teach your child that the crying and tantrums have worked to keep you home or with them.” She also warns against long-winded explanations of what is happening. “It will fall on deaf ears as the tantrum prevents anything from being absorbed.”
Remember, childhood is full of phases. Some separation anxiety is normal. Other parents have found a variety ways to cope with the issue, including Parent Dish's 5 tips on reducing your child’s anxiety.
We’d like to know if you’ve encountered separation anxiety. How did you make it easier?
Does anyone feel like their husband is more susceptible to separation anxiety than they are? Now that my daughter is 8 years old and my son is 5, we have a great opportunity to exchange childcare with my sister-in-law - and I want to try going away with my husband for a week this summer. What freedom; what fun, right? But hubby doesn't want to stray more than 3 nights and doesn't want to leave the state.... Just in case. :-) I hope it gets better.
My mother was a stay-at-home mom and I was her shadow up until I was four and went to school. I was just telling my mother I remember in the days before direct deposit, she and I would drive up to my father's job at UPS. He would leave his paycheck in the front seat of his car before he hit the road in his truck. My job was to hop out and go get it for my mother. We would then go into town and get the family needs. (And go eat a little Chinese) On the rare occasions when she would leave me with someone I would hate it! I hated being away from my family. With three older sisters and a dad around, I always felt like safe and secure at home. Even as an older child I hated going to sleepovers. I became known as the child who would cry to come home. It wasn't until much later (late teens) that I was dying to leave momma and the rest of the family. Kris, In reply to your comment abut you and hubby going away, I hated, HATED it when my parents would go on vacation and leave us kids at home. It was the loneliness feeling. I remember my mother laying out all my clothes for me for each school day so all my older sisters would have to do is bath and dress me. I remember when they used to call home and check on us and I hated the fact my parents weren't there. :( I most certainly had a case of separation anxiety!
The tough part is when they get old enough, say between 4 and 6 to ask the question about why they can't stay home and play with Mommy and Daddy all day. Well, that's a story for another post! Jennifer Pereyra Author, Mommy & Daddy Work to Make Some Dough www.facebook.com/jpauthor